A month...

Pa, a month ago had passed. Today we are still devasted by your sudden departure. I had never stopped thinking about you and lamenting how GOD decided to seize you away from us. My tears had not stopped flowing since.

Your last handwritten page -- "the day you fell"

The officer came by on Wednesday again, asked mama what happened on the day of the accident. It was purely an accident yet they questioned & queried the details of your fall. It was very depressing having to recount back the series of events……..

Pa, if you can hear me please continue to safeguard mama because she is extremely negative without you. Ah Hian takes charge of the house for now. Jiejie has been making a lot of efforts to come by BP often despite her hectic schedule. Life never seems the same without your presence. Every corner of the house reminded me of you. Reminded me how I had been taking your presence for granted. I really miss you …….

Hoping that you can appear in my dreams soon…

My Father

This is the hardest post to pen down…

It had been exactly two weeks & we are still grieving on our loss .... :(

19th February -- the day when my dad fell in the morning, admitted to NUH via ambulance, operated with 2 brain surgeries within 1-2 hours apart & the doctors were fighting to save his life. When I saw him in the evening, his body was hooked up with life support machine.

ICU doctors called @ about 2am & said they had done all that they could on my Dad in terms of surgical & medication as his brain pressure is so huge that they would have to keep him heavily sedated. Amongst us, we reached a mutual compromised -- we do not want Dad to suffer.

20th February -- @ ~ 7plus am, the head of neurosurgery asked what we want for Dad. We opt to maintain the current dosage & depend on his will to live. Everyone rushed to the hospital including my mom & grandmom & Dad’s sisters & most importantly, Dad’s beloved 4 grandchildren whom he loved dearly. Relatives flow by to visit him alive the last time…

21st February – The day his medication was stopped as it does not work on him. There is no glimpse of hope that Dad will live on.

10.00pm -- Dad’s breathe not detected & the machine indicated zero with a straight line.

10.30pm – the machine indicated zero pressure from a pressure of ~ 150 / 65 to 0/0. Heart rate still about 110.

10.45pm – ECG machine indicated ~ 40-50. ICU nurse came in & asked if there is anyone who wants to see dad must quickly come as he will leave any moment. This was the nerve wrecking moment. Unwilling to let him go…

11.10pm – ECG indicated 0 heart beat but the chart still reflect some activity. This goes on for another 20 minutes before the doctor certified him.

His Charisma
-- Superb down to earth man who worked very hard to provide for the family

-- Minimum temper unless one really drives him to the limit. Even with that, he neither shouts, screams nor yells.

-- Thrift on himself yet splurged on his loved ones

-- Thrive to protect his family at the expense of himself

-- An extremely big hearted man with a simple wish – his children to be happy

When I was young, despite having pocket monies, my father would secretly stuff me additional pocket monies so that I can buy whatever I like in school. He dotes on his grandchildren so much so that even if they had requested for the sun, he will try his utmost best to get it for them. This is DAD.

YES this is how good he is. Now that he is gone, I realized that all these whilst; I had been taking his presence for granted.

Pa, Thank you for being a wonderful father providing a balanced life for your children despite the type of life we lead when we were young. You had been a kind & virtuous man & I hoped you will be happier with no worries. If I had not been a well-behaved daughter, I am sorry terribly sorry. Life without you never seems the same. No one to greet me @ the door & no one to even wave goodbye to me when I am waiting for taxi. The kids had been asking where Ah Gong is & we replied you are in heaven. Please take good care of yourself & do not let others bully you just like you were being used to when you were young. If you can reincarnate, look for a good family as you deserved nothing but the best. PLEASE appear in my dreams soon as I desperately need to see you. I cannot just let you go like that.....

Mom's 5th Letter to you

Dear Ethan

You are offically 5 years old today. My wish for you this year is to stay healthy & happy always. Be positive in whatever you are doing becos we believed in you.

This year you embarked in swimming lesson which you looked forward to the weekly Wednesday evening swimming lesson. To me it was a big deal as you managed to overcome the fear of water.



Holding hands with gf Marilyn



In school



Looking smart



@ the Barber



Wake up look

With best friend Ayden

Favourite place to dine in -- Pepper Lunch

Learning Chinese words



Like own siblings



Swimming lesson



SEA - hazy day

Barber barber again

Art Museum



Playing Lego



Cousin Valencia

Mom's Favourite Photo

Mid-Autumn Celebration in school



Too tired



Casualty - price to pay for not listening



Blythe & Bernice celebrating for you



2013 K1 Class photo



You seems to like things like volcanoes & earthquakes issuing revolving the nature. You enjoyed readings books on natural disasters. We are glad that your life does not revolves around just toys toys & more toys.

I tend to be a very strict & stern mom but believe in me whatever I do for you now is beneficial to you when as you grow older. Always remember you are surrounded by people who loves you dearly. Happy Birthday my dear boy !!

Another year older another year wiser :)

Time REALLY Really really FLIES

In just a blink, this is the 3rd year my little one is attending the same childcare.

2011

2012

2013

I am missing his baby smell, toddler talk & kiddish act.

You know ?

A year ago I terminated you

A year later I am missing you

Hoped all is well my Angels !!!

Mommy's 4th Letter to Ethan

Dear Ethan

Happy 4th Birthday !!

This is the second time you are celebrating your birthday in school with your friends. Whenever we ask you what you want for your birthday, you always request for balls, Balls & many more BALLS. You are really a ball-ah-holic. There had never been enough balls for you. Even the birthday cake you wished for was nothing more than a design of a ball. Again your wish was granted. Instead of a basket ball cake, it was a football cake this year.

Some photographs taken during the year :-

Nursery II Communication Book

Chinese New Year Celebration in School

Soccer-aholic

Mommy's Little Helper

Attending a Wedding Dinner

National Day Celebration in School

Water Parade in School

Every day you wished it was weekend so that we can bring you out & have fun. Occasionally teachers feedback you tend to be dreamy in class, I can only linked it to you having too much fun on weekends.

You are a simple boy with simple preferences when it comes to food & entertainment.

Favorite Drink – Ice Lemon Green Tea
Favorite Food – hamburgers / Char Siew Rice

Favourite Toy - Skate Scooter
Favorite Variety Show – Wipeout
Favourite Sports – Balls / Water

Simple words from you touched my heart. When I am tired you replied you are not tired. When I am sad, you gave me a hug. When I am annoyed with your naughty acts, you ran, hugged me & said “Mommy Sorry”.

Ethan, you are a blessed kid with lots of love from friends & family & you really mean the world to me. How can I not love you more & more each day?

With Love
Mommy
October 2012

Growing Up

Time & Tide waits for no man. This is really very true. Just a blink of eyes, we are already in mid May approaching June 2012.

Year 2012 Ethan had been promoted to Nursery 2. Remember those dilemma days when I struggled to put him in the childcare centre. Gone are those separation anxiety days and I welcomed those “good bye” days when he will run to the cc saying good bye to me. He can even tell those crying children that their mommy will fetch them in the evening & console them. Oh my, he is a growing big boy & I am missing those toddler days.

He had become more vocal & expressive those the happenings. For instance when the lift came, we will say “be care of the hole on the floor mommy”. Simple words & gestures from him really touches my shallow heart.

He loves to play with toys & especially ball. But he is lazy to do writing & colouring. I wonder if all kids this age behaves like tat.

Some words that I just want you to know & please remember what I am going to say. Thank you for being such a wonderful kid. We enjoyed every single minute with you. I am sorry for not giving you a sibling but one thing for sure is, we are loving you 101% more than all you can ask for.